So I've not posted in weeks. We all have highs and lows... and honestly I didn't think I had a blessed thing to say or tell anyone. I still don't. But this Autumn for me has been a season of changes.
I am not perfect. No one is. The only One who was ever perfect was Jesus, and they crucified Him!! What I learned is that I cannot be every 'thing' to every person. I can't live my life and make my family live their lives, (us a family unit), based on someone's else's not-so-humble opinion or ideas, or trying to make me feel that we just don't measure up... Baloney. This isn't junior high. I am a grown woman with my own home, husband, kids, pets, responsibilities.. my own problems, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, opinions, ways of doing things... and the list goes on. I may not be holy enough to suit some people. But I don't care... I am not going to try and please and "measure up" to what any other person thinks I ought to be, or be doing. All I need, is to please God. So if I am pleasing God, why do I care if someone else approves or not?
Looking for someone to share with... a place for us to 'fit' and have 'friends' who believe as we do was a simple as going to mass. :) So we've changed from one mass to an earlier one. More kids, more homeschoolers, more families with kids my youngest daughters age. More like minded ladies who don't look at me funny for wearing a veil.
A while back, in desperation and loneliness, I joined us up with a secular homeschool group. The group had wiccans in it, and people who were part of "alternative" "lifestyles". And nearly all of them (most likely ALL of them actually) have a complete opposite belief system of what we have. Such as pro-choice, etc. I kidded myself into thinking that these families would accept us 'despite' our Catholic faith, and 'allow' us to participate in their field trips and outing. So I signed us up.
I thought over and over how I would react when my youngest wants to go over and play at a new friends house who is wiccan. I considered how another family who could possibly end up friendly with us could inadvertently lead us away from God. Maybe it would get ugly. Maybe my daughters would meet these 'secular' kids and think they are 'cool', and want to be like them and 'hang out' with them. So with these thoughts whirling in my head over many weeks, offers of field trips and so forth poured from this group. And I found myself making excuses every single time as to why we 'couldn't' go. The truth of the matter is that I knew in my heart of hearts that we didn't belong there, and I knew it was wrong. So, yes... I unsubbed us from the group. We had no business there in the first place. I did know better. I am hoping this will teach me not to choose that way again.. no matter how lonely I feel.
So now we are all signed up with a couple of local Catholic homeschool groups. And we have field trips and play days coming up. Loneliness gone.
Now here's the funny part...
It's not the being in the homeschool group that's made us "not lonely" any more. It's the sense that God knew what we/I needed... I tried to go it alone, and then He provided the perfect solution and laid it right in my lap, tied up in a fancy bow. :) My goofy problem was not trusting Him. Good thing that He has a sense of humor. He'd have to, to make someone like me. :)
We are all earthen vessels. "Cracked pots" is more like it. :) But we all contain this beautiful, not-of-this-world treasure. The Holy spirit!!
Jesus is the best friend I ever had. I don't know why I traipse out, looking and wondering. I am such a dork sometimes! All I need is to trust Him. Because with Him, we are never alone.