Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Numbers on a scale do not define who I am. Fat or thin, or somewhere in between, does not make one more, or less, lovable, and does not change who they are inside.
I wanted to be thin. For years, I've wanted to be thin. I've been on every diet out there. I've had weight loss surgery. I've starved myself, had shots, ate diet pills, laxatives, made myself vomit, you name it, and I've done it. In the last few years, I've lost 60 lbs and regained back 30 of those pounds. And when those pounds came back, they came back in different areas. Thirty. Pounds. :( Though I did know in my heart I'd gained.. I didn't really realize it was that much. :( Not good!!
This has GOT to stop. As it is, I now have a plastic "band" around my stomach, and a port. If you think that helps, you're wrong. Anything healthy I have trouble swallowing unless I chew the daylights out of it. What goes down easiest when you have have been banded? The unhealthy stuff. Like ice cream. (haha) Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I'd NEVER gotten this stupid lap band. I am still fat. After my beautiful friend Stephanie died as a result of her gastric bypass surgery, I swore to myself and to my family I would never have that particular surgery. So I got the lap band. I have no regrets about not getting the gastric bypass. That surgery is a killer, and no one can convince me otherwise. The lap band though, is kind of a waste unless you have no problem living on solid protein and nothing else. That is the only thing that will fill that little pouch up and stay there for hours. If you're not a big meat eater, like me, then you just threw that money away and went through the surgery.. for nothing.
Hormones are in everything we consume, it seems. Little girls are starting their periods earlier, and kids in general are getting bigger, faster, and developing Waaaay too young... I worry about my children. I don't want them to have the weight problems and health issues that I have experienced, and that are basically sweeping this country. I have started slowly buying more organic foods, more "natural" foods. And it has become painfully clear to me that sugar is indeed my enemy. It is responsible for the vast majority of my weight, and I am tired of it. I had some liquid stevia, but it had a funky aftertaste. So I didn't like using it. I just bought myself a brand new box of Nu-Stevia, and I am going to give that a try. Sugar = Evil.
Everyone seems to be on the Carb Craze. I am sorry but I just cannot believe that plain, baked sweet potatoes, brown rice, peas, and things like that make us "fat". Whatever. Hmmm maybe its that sugar and preservative laden garbage we've all been eating that is the real reason. And not to mention all the hormones in all the food... even the milk we give our children. I am trying to learn, and trying to find the best way for us... for our family. For our health.
So yesterday after the funeral, we stopped up at Lowe's and then went to the "Hippie Store" (Whole Foods, my favorite store), and got our favorite steel cut oat groats and my nice new box of Nu Stevia and some locally grown, organic, unfiltered honey. (great for our seasonal allergies!)
And lastly, I got a box of Nettle Leaf tea.
I have read that Nettle tea is good for allergies, for kidney stone sufferers, helps you if you are anemic, that its good for kidneys, bladder, menopause, and other great benefits I can't think of. Wonder Tea, obviously. :) Most of the reviewers liked it.. the taste and the benefits of it.. a lot. One person stated that it was not very tasty so they used a little peppermint in theirs. (I have some peppermint tea) and some liked it sweetened with honey and added lemon. So I guess later today I will give it a try with my Stevia (possibly some lemon too) and see. Last night I was DYING for something "yummy" to drink, and made myself some Celestial Seasonings True Blueberry tea. Poured it over ice, and enjoyed it while I watched The Vampire Diaries. The tea was lovely. :) If you like tea, and like blueberries, I cannot recommend it enough. It's absolutely Dee-Lish!! :)
Somewhere in this house, (haha) I have a copy of "Prescription for Nutritional Healing". And it's currently hiding from me.
I need to find that sucker. I need a plan of attack. Weight.. is a war. Health... is a war. A war I'm tired of losing. I'm over 40. I want to have quality of life to enjoy grandchildren one day. God help me. I've got to find my way amongst the labels, the calories, the caffeine, the hormones, the preservatives, and WHEN I have learned it to the point I can live it and be healthier and happier and be able to GO and to DO. Jesus have Mercy on me.