You're Not Alone....Lent is Nearly Here...

As anyone can see, I have been most negligent of this blog... I got to the point I wondered if this was not an indulgence in pride, and for that matter, did anyone even read it anyway?   What do I have to offer?  What difference does what I think make?  However.  I have come to the conclusion that out there, is someone else out there.. and she's sad and confused and selfish and prideful like me... with all the doubts and fears and struggles like I do.  And if you're out there, you're not alone, and I love you.  Keep your chin up.  Keep your dignity, and stay faithful to God and where your God-filled heart leads you.  He is all we have.

So tomorrow is Shrove Tuesday.  So bring on the Pancakes and leftover chocolate before Ash Wednesday, where we'll attend mass, receive our ashes, have Confession (hopefully) and spend the next forty days abstaining, fasting, and growing closer to God.   Some years I'm not too shabby at this.  Some years I fail miserably.  I am determined to make this year awesome, spiritually.  

The last few days have been my own personal hell.  I have not cried so much since I lost my friend Stephanie, and my darling Grandpop... my heart feels ripped out.  And then today, we find out about our beloved Papa's resignation.  Pope Benedict is leaving the Seat of Peter vacant at 8PM, February 28th.   I love our Papa... and this adds to my tears and grief.   However, after some thought and prayer, I have given it all to God..   I just sort of went, "Here You go.  I am too little and too weak... I am giving this to You."  And I got a feeling of peace, immediately.  I am still upset about the personal things that have occurred, but God is with me... and He is making it easier for me to bear.

The last few days have taught me a few things.  I have a few wonderful, beautiful friends that I love with all my heart... and that even in my selfish, most prideful times when I'm ignoring God... He still does not ignore me.  :)   What a wonderful Father we have!!   Such a miserable thing that I am... but He just dusts me off and hugs me anyway.  How awesome is THAT??!!   I am blessed beyond measure.  :)

Have a great Lent everyone.  Love to you all, from me, here in Dixieland. :)

Peace be with you!

A Wasted Lent?

Sometimes, you just have a 'duh' moment.

We've been skipping mass.  Like.. for the last month.  I don't think we've went to mass since Ash Wednesday.  VERY out of character for us.  And I can't blame anyone else.  Just myself.  And as a result, I've cheated myself and my children out of Holy Mass, Communion, and hearing God's Holy Word.  Not to mention I have seriously set a bad example. 

I used a variety of excuses.  All of them valid, true, but still... excuses.  Pain from my stupid hernia.  Lack of sleep.  Depression.  I used all three.. and they were all true.. but I should have went anyway.

Satan has started attacking us lately... and it started, as usual, in small ways that I didn't notice.  And once Old Smut Face gets a toe in, he is like a big festering wound.... it just gets worse until you work on healing it.  

Hubby took down my little Shrine table for Christmas.  Well, my things on it anyway.  I was not happy and squawked against it, but my non-Catholic husband didn't "get it".  He did set up a beautiful (our nicest) Nativity in it's place... but still.  He did leave up my Holy pictures and crucifixes on the walls.  I informed him those were "non negotiable".   He gaudied up our home... and to explain that... Yes, I am married to Clark Griswold from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", and anyone who has seen our home during Advent will know I am not exaggerating in the least.  It goes from one property line across to the other.  And he adds more stuff every year.  

We have people who drive by our house every year.... and it's not just on the outside.  It's INSIDE too.  I have actually had to complain that the small Christmas tree in the bathroom was too much.  Snowmen bed sheets, Christmas towels, Christmas dishes.. *sighs*  Yes, go ahead and laugh.  I'd laugh too if some else lived in a Florida version of the North Pole for 2 months a year. LOL  But by golly, I remind my hubby that Jesus IS the 'reason for the season', and my blessed things all stay up.  But... he moved the stuff off my Shrine table.  


Here's a picture of the Nativity he puts on my Shrine table during Advent..
  

Since my depression started smacking me in the face mid-January, I did not put my Shrine table back together.   I have not been to mass.  My prayer life has been... non existent... to be completely honest.  I take no pride in admitting that.  

We've been being attacked, as I said, in small ways, and growing.  Today, I saw another 'sign' in my home that all was not 'right', and it frightened me.   I went to Catholic.com forums, and did some reading in a thread where someone else was being spiritually attacked.  It started to make perfect sense to me.  Old Smut Face was feeding my depression.. and instead of turning to God and to Holy Mass, Old Smut Face convinced me that wouldn't help and HE EVEN CONVINCED ME that I'd have panic attacks if I went...  (I was having them bad for a few weeks.. still a few, but much, MUCH better).   By my ignoring God, Jesus, and His Blessed Mother, I was almost rather kicking them aside... which makes me feel sad and ashamed.  I wonder to myself WHY I listen to Old Smut Face... why do any of us??  Why do we, *I*, believe the lies?  And MAN is he ever SNEAKY!!!  Jerk!!!

So after my epiphany (my "a-ha" moment today), I got busy to work.   First, PRAYER!!!  I took my holy water and went and sprinkled and prayed in every room of the house, (sort of a cleansing), and then got my Shrine table set back up!! :)  I dusted it good, got out my free-standing crucifix and cleaned it, and got out my holy water bottles and candles...  talk about a sigh of relief.  Isn't it 'funny' how something like a little home shrine can make a GINORMOUS difference in the home!?    

The girls and I are going to Confession tomorrow.  And Mass Sunday.  LOL I want to go NOW!!!  But since hubby has the truck at work, I will just have to suck it up and wait.  I did have a talk with my youngest daughter about it.  She admitted she has not been praying as much either, and is happy we are going back to mass.  

I guess sometimes (especially after being away from Holy Mass for a few weeks) we have to shake the dust off, clean away the cobwebs, and of course we run back to Jesus.  It bothers me that I've pretty well "wasted" our Lent.  But, Praise God, we have Holy Week left.  And it will NOT get wasted!!!

+JMJ+