On a Chilly Wednesday

There's just something about a chilly day in Florida that makes me want to bake.   It's in the 40s here, with high humidity, so it's a 'wet cold', with wind chills below freezing that cut right through your sweater, (Floridians don't own coats!), and chills you right to the bone.

Despite the cold, the sky is bright and blue and sunny.  I can hear my wind chimes tinkling in the breeze, and the train whistle in the distance.  I brewed a fresh pot of coffee, let the dogs out for their morning romp, and drive my eldest daughter to her job at a mom and pop store that ships packages.  She's been there over a year, and loves her job and the family who own the store.

My younger daughter is working on a Home Helper badge, so she's gathering laundry from all over the house, dividing light colored clothing from dark, and getting the washer loaded.   I'm standing, staring into my narrow, deep pantry with a flashlight, trying to locate the elusive can of French onion soup for a rice dish I want to make for dinner.  

By lunch time, I've fried pork chops in my big cast iron dutch oven on top of the stove, and in the oven I've got apple-balsamic carrots and French Onion Rice Casserole.  I found some leftover baked potatoes in the fridge, and decide to fry them in the pan drippings after the pork chops are finished.   No, no one needs to eat rice AND potatoes, but by frying them I can easily pop them into the toaster over and top with sour cream and scallions and salt and pepper for an easy side for tomorrows dinner.   Assuming no one wolfs them down before then. :)  With this hot food, I make hubby a covered plate to take to work with him.. he eats it later for his dinner break.   I make another plate and cover it for my eldest daughter's supper for when she gets home tonight.  Maybe it sounds a little weird, preparing a dinner so early every day.  But given the schedules, this is what works best for all of us.  My youngest and I have some of what I've prepared for our lunch while it's still hot, and then put away any leftovers.  Later that evening at the 'proper' dinner hour, we generally just have a bit of leftovers, or some eggs, or a quick soup.  Easy peasy.   

My daughter is moving right along with her laundry, and has moved on to a load of towels.  I am really enjoying her earning this badge. :)  She has become rather skilled at laundry in the past week, and I'm feeling rather spoiled to not have to do it! :)   Tomorrow is her last day though, so I am enjoying it while I can.  

Since I've finished "meal" cooking and kitchen clean up for the day, I'm eyeing those bananas and thinking I should whip up a nice banana bread.   It's good for dessert, breakfast, or just a yummy treat with a mug of hot tea.    What's a few more dishes to wash?  Popping banana bread into the oven, and my youngest reminding me that I'd promised to let her do some baking too.   Very well.   Let's bake another one for a neighbor.  (another badge requirement)    Both of us enjoy her earning her badges. :)

The house is warm from the oven, and full of good smells.  Later I'll take out something for tomorrows dinner.  Perhaps I'll bake again, or make it an easy day and use my crockpot.  We'll decide later.

It's too chilly to go outside.  Perhaps we'll play Bananagrams and Rory's Story like we did yesterday.   Right now she's pouring over her badge requirement book, reading aloud possibilities, and telling me the badges she'd like to earn next.   Asking me questions, making me think. :)

I love our days.  Quiet, and peaceful.  Sometimes we read, or watch a program.  Sometimes we play games or have friends over.   Craft making is fun..  she likes 'hands on' activities.  She's a good girl.  Lovable, easy to please, curious, cerebral.  

Some days are busy, with homeschool meetings, play dates, AHG meetings, Special Olympics sport practices, competitions, and events.  But on the quiet days where we've got nothing planned, this is pretty well it.  And we love it.  We get on projects, work on things, have discussions.. and the list goes on.  Our lives are rather simple,  but if you'd ever like to come by for a friendly afternoon visit, we're always happy to have friends over.   Please excuse our dogs shamelessly begging belly rubs.  Sorry about the glue.. we were doing art projects. We've got a spot in here at the table, waiting for you, with a cut of banana bread and a mug of hot tea.....  you've come to the right place. :)   Make yourself at home. ♥      

Ten Things

Challenged by my lovely friend Sue Elvis to come up with ten things most folks don't know about me... after I challenged her.  :)  Psst hey Sue where's YOUR list?!    Let's see if I can do this, and come up with some things I've not already mentioned at some point.

1) I've been at the top of mountains, explored underground caves, swam with alligators, and panned for gold and gemstones in a mountain stream.  I've fished from the river and the creek.  I've hand caught grass shrimp and minnows to use as bait.  I've caught tad poles and polywogs to take home and put into my fish tank until they were ready to be released.  I've dug in the sand for clams, and went out and caught wild blue crabs with my parents for our supper.  I've picked blackberries, wild onions and mint in the woods.

2)  I've never been on an airplane, helicopter, or a train.   Never been on a boat aside from the river ferry and the river taxi, or a friend's motor boat.  I've never been out West, never have traveled outside of the United States, and have not even left the South since 1985.

3)  I've not seen snow since 1989.  I've never built a snowman in my life.  But I am well acquainted with hurricanes!

4)  We've had a lot of pets.  Some were childhood pets, and some as an adult.  I've had (I think) six dogs, a few cats, several guinea pigs, a hamster, parakeets, a cockatiel, several turtles, loads of fish, chickens, ducks, and a pet goat, and probably two dozen rabbits.  We had pigs too, but my parents raised them for meat and had them butchered.  I would dearly love another bird, and a hedgehog.  I love pets!

5)  I come from a family of girls.  My great-grandmother had eleven girls and THEN had two boys.  One of her daughters, my granny, had two girls.  My mom had us three girls.  Her sister, my aunt, had four girls, one of those girls had a girl, and I have two girls.  My younger sister has three children.. two girls, and finally a boy!  Our running joke is that boys in this family don't stand a chance.  LOL!!

6)   I am terrified of snakes, (ophidiophobia), spiders, (arachnophobia), wild monkeys, and big bugs in general.  I'm mildly claustrophobic, a little gephyrophobia, (fear of bridges) plus my fear of heights (acrophobia) so a really high bridge is NOT cool with me at all!  Also a bit of agoraphobia.. (I hate shopping malls!)  Looking at this list, I have to laugh.  I actually could go on, but I'd hate for anyone to think I was totally nuts. ;)  LOL!!

7)   I suffer from depression and anxiety.  Sometimes I'm fine.  Sometimes, not so much.  It's a day to day thing.  I've lost friends because of it.  I've gotten treated like a freak because of it.  But I can't let that bother me.  It's not something you sign up for.  It's not being 'high drama'.  It's not something you 'get over', like a cold.  I can't just "get a grip" and it will magically disappear.  

8)  I like to collect certain things.   Perhaps some of them are a little odd, but I like them.   My collection is not so that I will end up on an episode of Hoarders.  :)   I like Catholic statues... well, I like Catholic items in general.  I have rosaries, at least one crucifix, and at least one small statue in every room.  I have several holy water fonts. (I've run out of places for those actually).   I even have statues outside, in my front and back yards.  I also collect wind chimes.  I only have six so far.  I'd like to get several more.  I also collect incense and incense burners, candles and holders, rocks, and shells.  I love beaded things.. long bead necklaces, beaded bracelets, beads on my skirts, beaded curtains...  LOL  I just love beads.  Not the tacky plastic ones.  I like the glass and stone beads.  Earth stones are my favorite, such as jasper, onyx, amber, and so forth and so on.  I also like the hand made beads, carved, or made from paper or flower petals.   There is just no 'love' in a plastic bead.    Most of all, I love books.  Yes, we have a Kindle.  But there is nothing in this world like holding a book in your hands, turning the pages, the feel of it.. the smell..  I love books!!

9)  I dislike modern things, with the exception of appliances, central heat and air, windows and pipes. :)   I love pretty, old-fashioned things.  Blue canning jars, aprons, lace doilies, embroidered handkerchiefs, and tea kettles with cups and saucers. Cast iron.  Chenille bedspreads.  Cedar chests, depression glass, good crystal, good linens, and monogrammed everything. :)  Rocking chairs, checkers, and old metal washtubs.   I love opening the windows on nice days when it's not too hot, and enjoying the breezes and hearing the tinkle of my wind chimes outside.  Men being true gentlemen, and women who act like well brought-up ladies, with dignity, tact, and grace.

10)  I had to think of what I could put down for my 10th thing you may not know about me.  So I decided I'd admit my pride.  Yes, it's true.  I am a very prideful person.  Pride for myself?  Please.  Every bit of my "pride" is family and home.  Period. My kids.. well, they are awesome.  :)   I am fiercely proud of them.   I could go on, and be a bragging, gloating mom, which would be very easy. :)   But every mother thinks her child is the prettiest, the smartest, and the most amazing.  I am no different.  I can, and have, shamelessly bragged on them more times than I can count.   There's no scale that can measure it.   I love them more than anything.  Other source of my pride?  I am proud of our little cookie-cutter house.  It's not a big fancy house in the country, or on a golf course.  It's not posh, modern, fancy, or new.  It's not in a well-to-do neighborhood.   Our house is in an 'older' neighborhood, where the homes are around 40 years old.   I was 29 when we bought this house.  No one 'gave' it to us.. we bought it ourselves... with termites, a leaking roof, with all the original appliances, pipes, wiring, and God help us, the original air conditioner which didn't work At. All.  (AC is VERY important in Florida!)   But we bought this ourselves.  We slowly got things fixed and replaced and repaired.  Seventeen years later, we are still trying to get things fixed.  Repaired.  Replaced.  But you know, I love our home.  My children have grown up in this home.  We've made memories here.   We never want to move..  hubby and I say that we'll stay here in this house until they carry us out.  It's home.  Our home is not a mansion or a trophy, yet I am proud of it.. not for its monetary value, but for the love inside of it.  The four of us.. hubby, our kids, and me..  I would not trade for anything in this world.  But if it were not for our kids, our house would not be the "homey" home that it is.

So these are my ten things.  I challenge you all.. what are YOUR ten things?   I'd love to read them! :)

Playing Catch-Up

It just dawned on me, how, when I blog I tend to have a subject in mind, or have something that's just flat-out on my mind, that I need to get off my chest.   Having a blog is a little like therapy in that respect. :)

However, I've decided for this entry I'm just going to basically do a re-into, since so much has changed in the last few years.

I'm still over 40, (LOL), married, Catholic, and a mother of two.  Not homeschoolers anymore though.  We're UNschoolers. ;)  Eldest is an adult now, and youngest is a teen.   We're going through life now scheduled around hubby's job and my eldest daughters job, and my younger daughter being in Special Olympics and American Heritage Girls.   The youngest daughter is also in CCD, which is a two year catechism class before Confirmation.   My eldest might even be a CCD teacher next year.  We'll see.   Yes, I am proud. :)

We lost our doggie Daisy Mae last May.  She was 16 years old.   We still miss her very much.  We've gotten another dog since then, Lucy, which brings us up to two dogs.  Abby will be 3 years old in June.  Lucy is one year old this month.  Aside from the doggies, we're down to one guinea pig, Pooh Bear, and one beta fish, Matthieu.  

I'm also not all that 'barefoot' anymore.. I've been in Birkenstocks for about 2 and a half years now.  Comfiest things I ever put on my tootsies.  And my back and hips don't scream like they used to.  Apparently, once you get to a certain age, it's all about arch support. LOL

I'm at a loss at this point.. nothing else has really changed.   I've had to tighten up my 'bubble' a little more, and "pull a few weeds" from my life.   Emotional vampires I just don't have the time or the energy to entertain them anymore.   My life is focused on God and family..and my few friends who may be few but are so precious to me!!

I am grateful for all I've been blessed with.  Faith, our church home/church family, family, friends, and our humble home.  God has been so good to me!!

I didn't make any New Years Resolutions this year.. I didn't see the point since I never keep them. :)   I want to try (again) some container gardening this year.   I'm going to try again for the bazillionth time to try and lose some of my chub.   I want to grow more in my faith.  But more than anything else, I want to enjoy every precious moment with my kids.   Time is flying by so fast.. I can't stop the clock.  I want to hold them while I can, even though they're both taller than me now.  

Am I all caught up now?  I don't know.   This was not terribly exciting, to be sure.  But how exciting do you expect an old Momma like me to be?  :)    This is as good as it gets.  And that is perfectly fine for me. :)

Southern Duties, Love, Pride, and Magic Bags of Tricks

First, one must understand that as a Southern woman, I do dearly love to cook.  Most of us ladies here do.  We pride ourselves on our "specialties".. and take great delight in being "famous" for our particular dish.  (mine is baked beans... also known as the "Kumbaya Beans".  LOL)  I can't tell you how I make em.  My own secret recipe.  But I am quite proud of my title as the reigning "Bean Queen".  Oh, yes I am!  LOL

Anyhoodles,.. here in the South, food = love.  So as much as I dearly love my family and friends, I am constantly cooking.  Full bellies = happy folks!   This thinking is in our blood.. in our very DNA.  

Lately, however, I have taken the "slacker" way out.  Sandwiches.  Leftovers.  One pot "throw together meals".  Picking up a box of fried chicken from the Publix Deli, (which when sliced makes delicious fried chicken sandwiches).   I have been lazy as sin in the kitchen.

Last night, hubby was whinin' and complaining.  "There's no cookies!  No cake!  No goodies!"   He said it in that wounded husband voice that reads in my mind as "If my dear wife LOVED me, I'd have baked goodies to eat."  (followed by a wounded hubby face... adding to my guilt.

So this morning I started out by frying chicken... followed by corn pones, (served piping hot and with real butter).... then some yellow rice to eat with the chicken... fresh green beans from my Momma and Daddy's garden cooked with bacon (of course), fresh sliced garden tomatoes, a loaf of zucchini bread, (zucchini is also from the garden), and over 3 dozen cookies, (I used peanut butter and some cranberry granola).  Also (of course) fresh brewed sweet iced tea, (also known as 'the House Wine' here at our house).

Two downfalls to this tale.  Mr. Picky NOW reminds me that he doesn't 'like' zucchini bread.  Grrrr.  Fine.  More for me and the kids to enjoy.  Also.. got it hot in here with that oven going.  I usually hate turning my oven on with summer heat... but sometimes, 'you just gotta'.  :)  A toaster over just does not do the same job.

My kids love home cooked food.  They are forever asking me, "Mom!  Where'd you get THIS from?"  (always some ingredient I found in the back of the pantry or hiding in the freezer and just decided to do something with, or add it to something we usually eat, thus adding some interest.  They are always, without fail, completely impressed.  (which makes me amused and happy too, I admit!)  And I always reply the same answer.  "Oh, just something I had in my magic bag of tricks."   I think Robyn is convinced that such a bag actually exists, and she'd LOVE a peek inside!  LOL!!

Back to business.  ;)  The recipe to the corn pones is ridiculously simple.

  

Self-rising cornmeal, Boiling water, Oil or lard for frying.  That's it.

Nothing in this recipe is measured. Depending on the amount of cornbread you want to make, pour cornmeal in a large bowl. Pour boiling water over cornmeal and stir quickly. Batter should be very thick. Drop by rounded spoonfuls into hot cooking grease. Fry until golden brown. Turn em' and fry the other side. Drain on paper towels (I use leftover brown paper bags from the grocery store) and serve hot. Similar to Hush Puppies, only better.  Good with butter or without... trust me we will eat them happily either way.

The Zucchini Bread is 2 cups self rising flour, 1 cup sugar, a good shake of cinnamon, 2 eggs, 3/4 cup shredded unpeeled zucchini, 3 tbsp. vegetable oil (or melted butter), a half cup (or so) of pecans, and a little milk.  You want cake batter consistency.   I add the pecans last, and you don't 'have' to have them.  Its just how we like ours.  Pour it out into a greased bread pan and bake at 325F for 60 - 70 minutes til it's nice and golden.  Let it cool a bit before you attempt to turn it out onto your cooling rack.  Then just let it finish cooling there.  Yummy eaten like cake or you can put cream cheese on it if you want to.  Quite good with tea or coffee. ;)

I am almost embarrassed to explain the cookie recipe.  I started with 2 cups self rising flour, a cup of brown sugar, a good shake of cinnamon, and a big scoop of peanut butter... probably about 3/4 cup worth but to be fair I did not measure it.  I worked the peanut butter in.. and found that I had no eggs.  Terrific.  I remembered that mayonaise is nothing but eggs and oil, so I added some til it got to the right "cookie dough" consistency, (stop making faces these turned out pretty darn good), and then lastly I dumped in about 2 cups of cranberry granola.  Mixed it all up good and rolled it into balls and put on UNGREASED cookie sheets and baked at 350F til golden.  Don't ask me how long.. LOL I have no idea.  Ten minutes maybe?  I don't know I just baked til they were done. :)  Robyn was a little grossed out that I used mayo in the cookies but she sure does like them.  She said, "You can't even tell there's mayonnaise in these, Mom!" :)   See?  Old Mom always knows a trick or two. ;)

Love Beads and Chronic Depression

A small parcel arrived today, addressed to me.  Opening it up, I saw I'd received a glass bead necklace...colorful, pretty, and happy-looking. "Love beads". I immediately put it on.  It's a "bright spot" in this day.  I need it.  When I chance to catch my reflection, I see the beads, and they remind me that there are still some good people left in the world.  It makes me thankful... and appreciative.  Such a small thing, in a world so unlike it used to be.  These beads could not have arrived on a better day.  

I'm having one of 'those' days.  A day that I struggle just to look up.  The sun didn't even shine today, and that was just fine with me.  I stayed in bed too long.  Woke up (finally) with a bad stress headache, took some Excedrin and poured some tea...and admired my new beads.  They're pretty.  Colorful.  All shapes and sizes.  Whomever made these, made them with joy.  And it's evident as I hold them..  The gal who makes these and sends them around the world, does so to "spread love".  I don't think she realizes she has a love ministry. :)  She does though.  A "random act of kindness" just to brighten someones day.  She is herself, a jewel.  And I've never even met her.

Waking up to have my old nemesis 'depression' slap me hard upside the head..   So what brings this all on?  Sometimes something.  Sometimes nothing.  We all have our own problems, our own issues.  Depression is a medical problem... not a personality flaw.  It took me years to finally get that, and not be ashamed.

Life can seriously stink.  My mom is having chemo today.  Saying that 'depresses' me to no end, is a huge understatement.  I don't even want to think about it...  but there it is.

This morning I didn't even want to get up out of bed, but forced myself to.  I have kids, so it's not like I have much of a choice.  No matter how crappy I feel, I have to care for my family.  There are days, if it were not for my kids, I wouldn't even bother to get up at all.  But I do.  And I get up.  No matter how I hurt inside, I love my kids, and I am going to do what I need to do.  They don't deserve a screwed up, dysfunctional depressed mom.  They deserve a mom who is there for them.  A hot meal, clean laundry, and someone to hug and kiss them and let them know how much they are truly loved.  So I washed clothes.  Steamed Japanese pumpkin, washed dishes, and cared for my family.  A mom does what she must.  What she should.  Family before self... always.  That's how God made us.

Checking out local news...The news station reported that the scumbag who murdered poor little Somer Thompson went to the state prison. GOOD. However, I can't help but wonder if he will befriend murderer Joshua Phillips, who killed little Maddie Clifton. Both these creeps were local. Neither of these two will ever see the light of day again, God willing.  I have trouble with the thought that these two murderers, like many others, are given 'life', (at tax payer expense), while their innocent victims received death. I know revenge is the Lords, not ours.  But sometimes that's not so easy to feel that way, especially when the mothers of these murdered little girls are crying on tv.  As a mom myself, I can't imagine the hell these moms went through, and go through every day for the rest of their lives.  It's just not right!!!

Next to murderers.. pedophiles. I have a problem with the fact that our 'egg man' who we were buying our eggs from is a registered predator/offender.  One, whom I might add, was quite interested in my 11 yr old daughter.  Obviously we stopped buying eggs from him the moment I found out.  But what if I hadn't found out?  What if I'd continued going there, and he hurt my daughter?  The thought just turns my stomach...

Reading too much, seeing too much.. thinking too much.  Between child murderers, and child predators, leads me to an unholy place in my mind that I don't like to visit.  These heinous crimes and sickos unfortunately remind of an evil, SICK person who strategically planned and plotted, and successfully hurt someone that I love, and this piece of trash is walking around freely, unpunished.  It angers me that I have no proof... or I'd have him arrested in a New York minute. No, I have no proof.. but I KNOW what he did.  It makes me sick.  SICK!!  I want him punished.  He'll screw up eventually, I hope, and this time be jailed.. and I hope when they do they will throw away the key... and hope too that another inmate does to him the same as he has done to his victim(s).

I know it's wrong to hate anyone.  But this person I do hate.  I hate him with every ounce of my being.  I need to go to confession about this...  I've had this brewing and stewing inside me for about a month now.. and no matter how much I suppress it, it manages to come back to mind... It is a torment, make no mistake.   

Calling the cops is a joke when you have no proof.  Heck, reporting something when you DO have proof is even a joke.  Four months ago an incident occurred in which I lost any remaining faith I had in the local police.  They are just thugs with guns, in my humble opinion.  I am sure there are still some good cops out there.. but I believe they are far outnumbered by the bad ones.  No one cares anymore.  

When I was a little girl, "Officer Friendly" came to our elementary school and talked to us children about safety and how the nice policeman was always your friend and would always help you.  I believed that baloney, well into my adulthood.  Was even dumb enough to teach it to my own girls.  My youngest daughter, at age 9, saw for herself that cops didn't care when we were in Tampa a couple of years ago.  How is it that a nine-year-old gets something, and I don't?  Am I that thick headed?  Apparently so. 

Mental struggle... angst.. whatever you want to call it... I hate it.  I remember once I had a therapist... and I paid him for me just to sit there while he told me about his stupid hobby...telescopes.  Then there are the "shrinks" who just want to give you pills and send you on your way.  Why do I want to pay anyone for help when I know they are seeing a shrink themselves, taking my money, and helping mask serious problems instead of fixing things?  

Maybe I say too much in my blog.  Maybe I don't say enough.  Maybe someone is reading this and thinking I am a pathetic whine-bag who needs to put on my big girl pants and get a grip.   

Maybe they're right.