Planting A Rose Bush

After my last post... things have been different.  I guess I needed to have a rant... I guess.  Not very attractive.  But truthful.  The truth isn't always pretty. 

I got myself Januarys & February's Magnificats from our parish bookstore, as well as Magnificats Lent booklet for 2012.  And am trying to make an effort to pray more... and try to think of Jesus much more often throughout the day.  I was in this habit before... and got out of it.  So I am back to good-habit forming.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  And to be honest, I am feeling quite happy already.  Sort of like... well... this sounds corny but I actually feel like I've planted a rose bush.  On the inside. :)   I can't wait to see what blooms!

So after a horrific nightmare early this morning, where as in the dream itself I was in the middle of a terrifying situation... and in the dream, I was praying aloud... not for God's mercy for me, (I was about to die in the dream), but for my children whom I'd leave motherless.  

Of all the fears I could possibly have about leaving my children, (you'd have to kill me, honestly), the greatest fear of them all was that they'd no longer attend the Holy Mass... that Robyn wouldn't be Confirmed in a couple of years... and that they'd fall away from the Faith.  No confession.. no Adoration...  zero prayer life... zip!  To me, THAT was the most frightening part of the dream.  I woke up weeping.. and did some praying and thinking.  I have not been the best example to my girls.  Like most moms, I have times when I think I've done pretty decent, and times when I was not my best in front of them.. and thus showed them a very poor example.  I need to do better.  Maybe I dreamed that for a reason.  A wake up call from God perhaps?  Stranger things have happened!

Despite my poor nights sleep ending with a nightmare, I did get up and make a nice big breakfast for my family... grits, eggs, sausage, fruit, hot chocolate, toast and homemade preserves.  Everyone was happy. :)   

The last two days, (see, even before that dream!) have been such good ones that even the kids have made remarks.. "Mom is so HAPPY!"  I admit, sad to say, that I cannot remember my kids ever saying that before.   Not that I haven't been happy... of course I have... but happy to the point that the kids can see the joy plainly... and it makes them happy too.


This growing joy is not something I can actually 'see' in myself, but I can see it vividly in the reflection in my family.  And that fills me with gratefulness, joy, and love.


A wee rose needs to be fed... so, I did a bit more shopping earlier.  On ebay I got "Mother Angelica's Private and Pithy Lessons from the Scriptures".  And then, on Amazon, I got "Homeschooling with Gentleness:  A Catholic Discovers Unschooling", and Mother Angelica's "Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality".   I have read some of Mother's books in the past... but don't currently own any.  Now I do! :)   Next week I am hoping to be able to purchase, "A Little Way of Homeschooling".  I am looking forward to learning and growing more. :)  One little step at a time. :)